It has been a roller-coaster-kind-of three weeks for me. Because I am an immune-deficient person, complications were bound to happen. These past weeks, I dealt with the stress of being moved from hospital to hospital, understanding new and unfamiliar complications which needed to be treated asap and undergoing several new treatments, medicines and surgeries along with chemo. All these activities really took a huge physical toll on me but resulted to more of a psychological and emotional fatigue.
One of the stresses I experienced was a possible scare that my cancer had spread to the lungs which made me realize my mortality again. BUT thankfully, there was no metastasis to the lungs. However, it was still a life-threatening complication as well but we were able to do something about it quickly before it was too late.
For some days now, I have been feeling very overwhelmed with the recent chain of events. Note to self and everyone: Overthinking and assuming is not good. To add to my psychological state, I have been feeling very caged. Being in the hospital for three weeks and not being able to move and walk has been a cause of a lot of frustration and exhaustion. So today my oncologist referred me to a psychologist just to help me process things. I was able to unload my thoughts, feelings and emotions. As cliche as it sounded, he simply advised to live for today and worry about these other things tomorrow. It’s all about enjoying the simple things and recognizing the blessings that I have.
Life is uncertain and that’s scary. But I guess, we must try to see the blessings everyday and really make it extraordinary because you never know if you will still be given a tomorrow. I may still feel in the weeds but I am still willing to fight, do my best to take things one step at the time and simply appreciate the joys of each day.
I may be exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed but I am still here, alive and willing to move forward to future even if it looks scary because I know I have such great support from all of you.